Need Help?

Index - Need Help?

Need Help?

1. What should parents to when they find out that their child consumes drugs?
Thousands of parents made this experience. Normally the initial reaction is to speak alone with the child but then the tendency is that he or she downplays the problem. They say that the marijuana belongs to a friend and they never tried it. Or in case that the parents know for sure that they consumed drugs they he will say that this only happened very few times and they could quit at any time if they wanted.
The first thing parents should do in such a situation is to get more information on drugs and to access qualified help.
Armando Tambelli Jr., an education consultant, said: “Before addressing the adolescent the parents should review their own life: How were they as youngsters? The couple should be on accord in their actions. In case they are not able to they should ask for help (e.g. a relative or friend of the family).”
Moreover, it is very important to observe how the parents talked about drugs and which rules existed in the family. In case the father regularly has his beer, the adolescent will say: “Dad, you cannot forbid this to me. Every weekend you smoke cigarettes and drink beer.”
Would parents do well to exert their authority? They would but it is very important to keep calm.
A long conversation about aims in life normally is more effective than just saying “No!” What does your child expect from their own future? Once the patience is exhausted the normal reaction is to start blaming the child, giving injustice punishments and threatening severely. This produces the opposite and creates alienation.
The psychologist Marcos Govoni says: “When there are respect and rules the adolescent can be helped. In case there have never been rules: it never is too late to start having them. They can apply pressure by consequently not fulfilling a desire.”
It is not enough to bar the child from the drug consumption. Beyond this, one should inform about the damage produced by drugs and help the adolescent to solve his problems which led to the drug consumption.
We advise parents to attend the CAPS AD (“center of social-psychological care – alcohol and other drugs”) which is specialized in this area. They offer information and professional help to parents and children.
A further measure is attending psychological consultation. Important is that not only the adolescent takes part in this but also the parents. Often drug addiction is caused by a difficult environment including the family. Thus parents also need help.
That is why self-help groups for families of drug addicts were founded (e.g. “Nar-Anon” or “Amor Exigente”). The latter is concerned with emotional distance, guilt and rules on the basis of “We love you but don’t like what you do.”
Why is this type of work necessary? Parents of children in an advanced phase of drug consumption are often exploited. The chaos existing in the family’s daily routine creates a situation often called “co-addiction”. For example parents may pay time and time again the child\'s outstanding debts with the drug dealer. This is a very dangerous and sometimes fatal process even though it is generally motivated by love and the desire to protect.
To prevent this co-addiction also the parents need help even if the child does not want to attend treatment. That way parents learn behavior patterns which could influence the adolescent initiating a therapy. By changing one’s attitude even the child’s attitude could change.

II. When your child consumes drugs
Inform yourself (if possible with professional help) before talking to your child! He will always have an argument justifying the drug consumption and downplay the problem
Do not allow smoking marijuana in your house just for wanting to have an overview of the drug consumption. This does not minimize risks and is forbidden.
When you child is stubborn and does not take your advice call a person the adolescent respects (e.g. a relative or a friend of the family)
Bring your child to a psychologist or psychiatrist. Show the adolescent that he is destroying his own life and a therapy would help solve the problem. It is important that the expert has experience in the area of drug addiction.
Participate in self-help groups for relatives even though your child does not attend a therapy. Changing your own behavior could eventually change your child’s attitude.
Initiate strict rules in your house! You could for example assign a task to the adolescent or control his money. As long as the addict has everything he needs it is very difficult to motivate him initiating a therapy.
Be unbending but not offensive! It helps to define what is allowed and what not.
Take in consideration that when you pay the debts with drug dealers you support your child’s addiction. Do not hesitate attending help when your child already has a drug dealer.

III. Characteristics that your child consumes drugs
Anger, aggression, crankiness, obscene and violent gestures and language
Pipes, penknives, burnt spoons, cigarette paper, granules in the ashtray. Aroma of perfume or incense in the room
Not able to handle stress situations and easily giving up when he or she is facing a problem
Money and valuables disappear and the child has abnormally much or little money
Avoiding talking about new friends and unidentified persons phone in
Widened pupils; use of eye drops and sunglasses even when it is not necessary

IV. Some reasons why adolescents consume drugs
Curiosity
Peer pressure
Wish of membership in the circle of friends
On the run of problems
Challenge persons of authority
Insecurity
Lack of information
Emotional problems
Easy access
Does not have an aim in life
Unsettled family background
Does not have a task in life
Valve for problems

“Parents cannot be held responsible for the drug problem. They just have a joint guild in this tragedy.”
Marcos Govoni - Psychologist and expert in the subject of drug problems